I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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