Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
