My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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