I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
