My pussy is not your playground.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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