I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
