I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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