just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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