i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
