Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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