I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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