you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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