i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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