Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
