he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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