i would punch a child for taco bell
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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