Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
