Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
