when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
