thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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