Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
