i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
