Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
