it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
farters have to be the big spoon...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
