Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And then my night got REAL pukey
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
