Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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