Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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