At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm passing your future prison.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
