Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My cat gives me a boner
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
