I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
