You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
