I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
