You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My dick has a subreddit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
