Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
