The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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