Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Houston, we have a squirter
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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