I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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