....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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