To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
