party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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