people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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