i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
