then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
