Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
