i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
