we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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