yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
