the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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