I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
