Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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